V’s and D – but it’s not what you think
V’s and D – but it’s not
what you think
It’s February, so we’re talking V-Day (obvs), but I’m also dedicating this month to the other V’s; vulvas (because, hello, it’s me) and vulnerability.
V-Day
Ahhh Valentine’s Day – another (ironically) anti-climatic day. I’m contemplating pulling a Miley Cyrus and buying myself flowers – because who needs a significant other when you’ve got a cracking song and bouquet?
I sound bitter.
I’m not.
This year, Valentine’s Day has got me reflecting on my own relationship – the one that ended in the D-word…divorce (paperwork pending). It consumed most of 2023 and unfolded smack bang in the middle of menopause mania.
Now, I've come across a plethora of well-intentioned advice cautioning against relationship decisions during perimenopause. You know the whole "hormones messing with your judgement" spiel?
But I’m not sure that’s entirely true. Well, not for me.
Menopause gave me the power to leave an unhappy and controlling relationship.
No more pretending, no more “sucking it up” – I was done.
Self-preservation and sanity are non-negotiables, so I took the reins and decided to live life on my terms.
The road was incredibly tough, not to mention wrestling with all my menopausal symptoms. Seriously, there were days when I could barely summon the strength to go on.
But now, I’ve never been happier.
So when V-Day rolls around, I’ll be toasting to those who’ve found amazing partners in life, those who are romancing just for fun (me please), and those boldly embracing the solo journey. While V-Day feels all about couples, let’s not forget the most crucial relationship of all – the one we have with ourselves.
Mine’s a gigantic work in progress – what about yours?
Vulnerability
I don’t know if it’s age, hitting menopause, or a combination of both, but I’ve developed this insatiable appetite for authenticity, truth, and ultimately being comfortable in my own skin.
The catch?
It requires vulnerability – the very thing I’m sprinting from in the opposite direction.
And I’m not alone.
Embracing vulnerability is a journey so universal that Brené Brown has literally dedicated books and TED Talks to it. Like this one (which has nearly 64 million views). Yep, we’re all in the same boat, trying to access it, master it, or make friends with it.
Brené says vulnerability is the centre of meaningful human experiences, which sounds delightful. But why is it so frickin’ scary??
According to Brené, vulnerability is "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure." Translation: that wobbly feeling when we step out of our comfort zone or let go of control. It’s about having the courage to show up as we are, and let ourselves really be seen – exactly what Menopause With Grace is all about (even though it terrifies me).
So while V-Day gets all the hype, I’m declaring February the month of vulnerability. For me it’s about opening up more, letting go to fears and developing compassion for myself if things go sideways – they often do.
Vulvas
Yes, I might be that friend who talks about her vagina too much. But V-Day is the perfect excuse to shift focus to our vulval health – which doesn’t get much airtime. Figuratively and literally.
Now, for those who love a genital refresher, the vulva is the genitals on the outside of your body. Meanwhile, your vagina is the inner sanctum – the passage inside your body, extending from your vulva to your uterus.
Thanks to perimenopause, the vulva and vagina both become drier and thinner, causing all sorts of dermatological issues. Dr. Harriet Kennedy, a specialist in vulval skin conditions, sees 10-20 women per week battling these issues. Yep, it’s a real thing!
On this Grey Matters podcast episode, Dr. Harriet sheds light on the common vulval skin conditions, the impact of menopause, and the secrets of good vulval skin care.
She says women can be suffering for a decade before getting diagnosed, but here’s the kicker – it’s all treatable.
Tune in to get up close and personal with your vulva, because knowing what’s healthy is the first step to knowing what’s not so healthy.
In other news…
February is also Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month.
Scary stat: only 31% of Aussies know it's got the worst survival rate of any female cancer in Australia.
Even scarier: Around 1,815 Australian women are diagnosed with ovarian cancer each year – but in most cases, it’s diagnosed at an advanced stage where it’s very difficult to treat.
Menopause doesn’t cause ovarian cancer, but your risk increases because of your age.
So take a minute this month to get savvy on ovarian cancer signs and symptoms. It might save your life.
Until next month
My Worst Valentine's Day
Holy moly, how have I only just discovered Esther Perel’s blog? This woman’s got the low-down on it all; self-love, intimacy, sex, relationships, conflict, and everything in between. She suggests using Valentine’s Day to “nourish your biosphere.” Is that a euphemism? Or straight-up relationship advice?… Read on and find out 😆
The Big M And The Big O
On the Menopause Matters podcast, Alison Daddo and sex & relationship therapist Jacqueline Hellyer (awesome surname!) highlight the struggles of discussing sex with a partner, defining a ‘good’ sex life, and how sex shifts during menopause.
Jacqueline also gives her best advice for women who feel at their most unattractive during the peri/menopausal phase, and a reminder to take our “relationship vitamins.”
Cracking The Code To Couplehood
Psychotherapist Lee Pycroft dishes out tips on reviving emotional intimacy in relationships during menopause. She shares ideas for courageous communication, fueled by vulnerability (ding ding ding), throws in thought-provoking questions to ask and how to create more physical intimacy. Oooh la la!
